Walking With Him in Love - Part 1

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Glossary - 

Master - Guru / Spiritual guide

Bandara - Huge spiritual gathering

Satsang - Group Meditation

Sitting - One to One meditation with meditation trainers

Ashram - Place of meditation

Transmission - Utilization of Divine Energy for transformation of man 

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Though a human being never knows when their first association with the Master starts yet I should say my conscious association with my Master began on June 2003. My entry into Sahaj Marg was nothing but His mercy. Being inspired by His books I was waiting with high enthusiasm for my 18th birthday in order to commence my spiritual voyage .The first thought of Love for the Master crept up my mind on the day of my first sitting. I was 18 years old, and Master was 77 years old. I was praying to God "God, if my life span is 60 years, I still have 42 years left so please give 21 years to My Master and I will have the remaining 21 so that we may never ever part away from each other". The various experiences at meditation were keeping up my enthusiasm. 

Closely watched over by Him, the first two years in Sahaj Marg were nothing but great. Days when my soul just pulls me to Manappakkam ashram every time I had a holiday at college. Initial days when I used to eagerly wait near master's cottage gate wondering how blessed are the few for whom the doors of His cottage was always opened. There were times when I have thought "How can such indifference among people exist even in a Divine place like ashram, without realizing that the door of His heart is open for one and all! " 

After 3 years I had to leave Chennai for the first time, to enter into the corporate world. Being an introvert, I should have felt like a fish out of water to stay away from home. But surprisingly the only thing I missed was my ashram at Manappakkam ashram-The heaven of tranquility amidst the noise of the city. Those two years away from home were the days when I started viewing Master as my father and friend. I made Him my eternal companion and shared every silly thing with Him. His grace gave me a chance to visit CREST (Spiritual research and retreat Centre) which I would say is a paradise on earth. Physically I was there for the first time still I felt as if was connected to that place since a long time ago. But on the other side in those two years, I was driven by ambition and not aspiration and all my efforts were drained in trying to climb up the ladder of success. The initial Enthusiasm faded away. But still Master continued to be my eternal companion with whom I shared absolutely everything. My sensitivity was so limited that I was able to view Him only as my father and friend.

 His grace took me to Tirupur to attend the long awaited 80th birth anniversary of Master. The first Bandara which I attended in those four years. I was so dumbfounded to see how a piece of land can be changed into a divine town using Love as the only instrument. I was deeply touched by the volunteer work of all the abhyasis and their love and dedication for The Master. In the next Bandara at Lucknow I was questioning myself "where do I stand when compared to so many hearts which love Him. "A feeling of possessiveness came into picture. I understood that I am just a tiny drop in this ocean of love.

 I was back to Chennai after two years. So was blessed to meet the physical Master more often. I had a chance to understand that the work which I thought was my love and life was nothing more than a means to earn my bread. He also made me realize irrespective of the degree of attachment we have for any person; human beings are subjective to change, and Master is my only friend.

Then came the trying moment in my life. All these days I thought that if I had to stay with my Master, He will give me absolutely everything which I want. I was too foolish to think I need not change myself anyway to be with Him. There was a time when I was entangled in middle of my prejudices and love. It was like a tug of war between love on one side and ego on the other. I never knew what to do. All I could do is only pray for His help to keep me with Him. Day and night my heart was craving to be with Him, and a state of fear ruled my mind. My fear was that fate should never separate me and Him. I have no words to describe that fear and a longing to be with Him. 

 When I was undergoing this pain, came the most auspicious day of my life! The day when I met my master and spoke to Him for the first time! My only obligation to Him was that He takes my soul away with Him. I wonder how He can read people's heart in a fraction of second. He gave me a deep look. A look which conveyed abundance of love and happiness, a look which penetrated deep inside my being.  A look which words can never ever describe.

(Narration: My Meeting with The Master) 

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On July 8th, 2009, at Chennai, i had a rare opportunity to meet my master since He came to conduct Satsang in my uncle's house. There were about twenty people in the room. I remembered what i read in Babuji's books. Whenever we visit our Master, we should take Him back home along with us our leave our soul to Him. I was praying Master please take my soul away, He perceived my thoughts and tried to gaze it me even though there were so many people in that room. But some one was coming and talking to Him in the middle. When He was about to leave from the house, He got up and gave me a look , which penetrated so deep inside my Being.

His eyes conveyed abundance of Love and Happiness.

His Look was not bound to time, space or dimension.

A look which Penetrated into eternity.

I felt that was both my beginning, beginning of the real life and my end, in the sense He take over completely.

"My little heart was replaced by yours

My human thoughts are streamlined by you.

Now tell me Beloved Master

Am i still mine or am i yours

Is this me, or is this you or is this we? "

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My fear just vanished away, and I was feeling so happy. But at that point of time, I never knew that life was going to take a different course. Everything happened at the Bandara at Tirupur-Master's 83rd birth anniversary. It was there I understood He was much more than a father and friend. He is a spiritual Master of the highest caliber. I felt ashamed of myself to have questioned him so many times about the events of my life and all the resistance which I have offered Him.

 The Bandara was a revelation of The Master in an entirely different dimension. Rejoicing in His love and light I could say that my soul was just dancing with delight. After coming back home I did not want to come out of that absolutely wonderful condition. It was then He made me realize that I was ignorant to search my happiness elsewhere when the storehouse of it is within me. I understood the value of satsang and how much I should tune my heart before every satsang. For many days I was still lost in that wonderful condition which He bestowed upon me. I was just drenched in His love. Day and night my subconscious mind was thinking of nothing but Him. My only prayer was that I should never ever come out of this state to go behind the mundane things of material life. Even the tug of war came to an end. The waves of love just washed away the ego. But my mind was anticipating little suffering along with the cleaning, and then I told myself "True Love may lead to pain. But lucky are the blessed few who have learnt to love even that pain. Thank You Lord for bestowing upon me such a rare blessing". It was an awakening of the soul. I felt as if I am born again with Him as the only purpose of my life. I also understood that I had to undergo the tug of war as I have not surrendered to Him. 

My First Poem Born Again 

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 "The heart echoes your name in a wonderful way

 And feels your presence in a beautiful way,

 We were united from times bygone

 And shall remain connected all along, 

Time and fate will become losers If they plan to separate u and me. 

 Every atom of my being sings your hymn

 And rejoices in your name from deep within; 

Time and fate may have brought me to you 

But time and fate cannot dare to part me from you

 Here I am seeking nothing but you, 

Willing to lose my identity to become one with you.

 It was a decision tough to make , 

Despite all the love which in my heart prevailed, 

To break my prejudices which were against your principles, 

To accept the sufferings which were tough for my age; 

There was a moment of doubt and setback

 But the spirit has won and devil has lost . 

But my human mind anticipates sufferings on hold, 

Is there any greater suffering than to part from Master’s behold?

 In either way the suffering is mine

 but my Master has taught me to accept it with a smile. 

Here I am seeking nothing but you trying to lose my identity to become one with you. 

 Where can I find a Master like you 

Who guides me all the way through; 

What has destiny got to do?

 Because it's your mercy which has brought me to you. 

Thank you Master for everything your praise I shall sing from deep within. 

 I need you more than air and water, 

Please don’t keep me away my Beloved Master. "

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I was drenched in His love. My ears became deaf to the noise of the city, to mundane talks to anything and everything which deviates my mind from Him. I willfully wanted to be isolated from the entire world. My thoughts were only centered on Him. I just loved my solitude. I felt how silly I was every time I wanted to get rid of pain. But now I would say "I won’t experience pain and pleasure not when they cease to exist but if I keep myself busy in experiencing Him". The way I view myself and my life had changed. "I view myself as a particle of dust in the feet of the Lord. My existence by itself is His infinite mercy. I am blessed to rejoice in your Love and Light. All I strive is to keep my vibration in resonance with The Divine". My heart was overflowing with Love for Him and I asked Him "How should I help you in your mighty task". I could hear nothing except the line "By helping yourself". Yes. I need to do my practice with utmost sincerity. Life is short and the goal is far. Arise Awake and Rest not until the goal is achieved. Then there will come a time when we can help others.

 I started thinking that all people around should enjoy this kind of happiness and that's when I started understanding the efficacy of Universal Prayer 

(Poem: Efficacy of Universal Prayer) 

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"How ignorant I was to search my happiness elsewhere

 until He taught me that the storehouse of it is within me. 

 Vibrating in Resonance with His hymn and Rejoicing in His love and light

 Oh! How my soul is just dancing with delight!

 How I wish everybody feel this way 

Small as I am who will believe in what I say, 

All that I can do is only pray 

That both the known and the unknown Forever in His remembrance stay . 

 Let’s not ignore the Universal prayer,

 If not for the love of mankind 

But at least for the love of our Master; 

As He can never ever Rest

Until every soul is safe in His Nest." 

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I don’t know what is my Master's definition of Love. But from my level I think I love Him. The Lover and the object of Love remain the same. But it has transformed beautifully from childish prayer to a state of possessiveness and then to a state of acceptance and a craving for mergence. I still have miles to go, but day and night I hope to dedicate my life to Sahaj Marg and become one with Him. The divine whom I viewed as Father, Friend and one day as a spiritual Master looks to me like a circle without circumference; a circle whose love has no circumference or rather I am limited to see His circumference. But by following the footsteps of a capable Master I am sure that one day I can see even the circumference of My Mighty Master. Master, there are no words to thank you. Still all I could say is a 'Thank You'.

( Poem : My Master, My Alchemist )

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You Transmitted Love
You Transmitted Happiness
You Transmitted Courage
You gave me a reason to live

What more you have given
I do not Perceive as of now
I think it would take me an eternity
To absorb all that you have bestowed

You keep giving unconditionally
Without a thought of my deservingness
I am always on the receiving end
And have attained the status of a beggar

Today this beggar stands before you
Without Knowing what she can give to you
Except her heart filled with gratitude
And tears emanating out of Love

Thou art my revered Father
Thou art my Best Friend
Thou art my Beloved Master
but above all Thou art my Alchemist
(Transformer of tendencies)

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