Ego refinement

" Innocence is an ego that does not get hurt" - J.K

Refining our ego and returning to our original purity is an interesting journey. I often feel we are all pure souls, trapped in a body and conditioned by the mind. Purity is our essence, but we have added layers and layers around the original purity we bought with us. How do we unwrap that?

The ego is manifested as offensive or defensive. Not only Shouting, making noise, and talking arrogantly alone are ego-based actions. At times avoiding, running away, feeling shy,  keeping quiet, etc, is ego.

What are the different things which hurt the ego? 

1. Things that hurt our self-respect:-

Not being informed  

Not being invited 

Not being included  

Not given priority  

Not given a chance/ opportunity  

Not being recognized/appreciated 

Not being valued 

Not being heard / understood

To be in a stagnating atmosphere without growth 

Being judged 

Being abused or falsely blamed 

Being very badly criticized 

Lack of reciprocation  of respect/ love/ time/ help

2. Selfishness -

When you realize that someone does not care but only uses and throws you according to their needs.

3. Jealousy

Jealous people who feel inadequate would knowingly or unknowingly hurt the other person just to feel better.

4. Awareness of one's own limitations 

Some limitations can be changed, and some others cannot be changed. Lack of awareness is a state of ignorance, but when awareness of our limitations flowers, we need to make peace with our limitations through action or acceptance. 

Be it a threat to self-respect or another person's selfishness or Jealousy, we have no control over what comes from outside. We cannot let our values go for a toss just because of what we receive from the external world.

The layers of ego get unwrapped with maturity. Maturity is the process of understanding the situation from all perspectives, accepting the as-is, and acting out of compassion and courage, not from ego and fear. Moderation and discriminative ability play a big role here.

Innocence is not ignorance or lack of awareness. The real refinement is understanding, which must be coupled with actions originating from compassion and courage.

Reflections May 2023

 Transparency

How transparent a person is, depends on one's honesty and the ability to be their natural self. It equally depends on the other person who is listening.

Communication is easy among people with common interests. 

What is communication beyond common interest? 

A listener with an open mind to any topic and the wisdom to understand what is being said.

With whom do we share our joys?

A person who is not jealous and a person who appreciates/encourages.

With whom do we share our grief?

An empathetic person.

Open-mindedness, Understanding, Encouragement, and Empathy are the qualities of a good listener.

How to handle the different types of people we come across?

1. Don't hesitate to take the first step to connect. Keep an open heart, don't be rigid.

2. If someone does any wrong, practice forgiveness.

3. Understand/empathize with the weaknesses/challenges the other person faces.

4. Go the extra mile and help the other person to overcome their weakness/ challenge.

5. Admire, appreciate, encourage everyone, and learn to see the good things in everyone.

6. Gratitude for the good people in our life.

Concentric emotional circles

 What is close?

Each of us has our own definition of close.

Some of the top reasons are we feel close to someone who guides us, accepts us, encourages us, hears us out, cares for us, loves us, values us, respects us, and remains trustworthy or reliable.

Among all the people we meet in our life journey, each impacts us differently. 

The outermost circle is the people with whom we have very casual talks, they give suggestions or information. They need not necessarily make us feel good, they don't make us feel bad.

The people in the second circle from the outside are our relatives who are with us in major good or bad life events. Acquaintances who are "Willing" to connect with us and become our friends come into this circle. They make us feel good by being there with us. 

The third circle from the outside consists of people who earned our trust by being reliable. We respect them for their qualities, and they respect us for whom we are. They are our close friends or a few of our relatives who have earned our affection and respect. Sometimes, people with common interests and aspirations can easily become close.

The fourth circle from the outside is the people we feel "attached to. " Knowingly or unknowingly there could be a need which was met by them. This is quite a vulnerable state because we give affection, respect, and trust without complete validation.

How people handle attachments:- 

1. Some people ignore and hurt us.

2. Some people treat us well because goodness is their nature but don't consider us close. 

3. Some people value us and reciprocate with affection and respect. Attachments turn into the best friendship only if trust, affection, and respect are mutual else it won't last long. Mutualism is possible if there is an attachment with care not an attachment with possessiveness and also the person who is first attached has qualities which other person respect. 

The fifth circle from the outside is a mentor kind of a person. An evolved soul with the wisdom and compassion to guide and support us when needed. We will meet very few of them in our entire life if we are lucky enough. They are selfless beings to a great extent.

The sixth circle from the outside is our family members,  parents, siblings, spouse, children, and inlaws who are with us all through this lifetime. 

The seventh circle from the outside is our spiritual guru who is with us in this life and beyond.

The innermost in the concentric circle is ourselves, the center.

Spending time and energy with those who truly care about us, be there for us, guide, support, love, and respect us is good. Be grateful for all the people in our life as everyone has a role.

I once felt master is a circle without circumference.  A circle whose love has no circumference.  A circle without a circumference is the center. In the same way, our love has to expand from ourselves to the entire universe. 

Bloom and help others bloom

1. Contentment 

Be happy with what is, yet do the best, and utilize the full potential irrespective of the results. (Nishkama karma)

 2. Calmness - In Acceptance Lies Peace.

a. Nonresistance 

B. Let go

C. Move on

Self-acceptance is as important as acceptance of external situations and other people.

Take the required action.  Progress in peace.

3. Compassion - 

In Gratitude lies joy. ( Cheerful acceptance)

a. Be grateful for what is.

b. Forgive the wrongdoings arising out of ignorance, ego, or desires. Forgiveness liberates us.

4. Courage - 

In courage lies freedom. 

Courage is the ability to trust ( Trust is acceptance without the idea of acceptance)

To start something, we need courage.

 If we fail or get stuck, we need more courage to restart and trust all over again.

Trust in one's own self, trust in God, trust in fellow beings, and trust in the flow of life.

5. Clarity - Discriminative ability or free will.

Act out of love and wisdom, not from fear, anger, or ego.

The above 5 C's are the liberating qualities.

6. Moderation is the means; the attitude of moderation is both the journey and the destination. 

7. Now is all that exists.

8. In surrender lies freedom. 

Babuji says, "Surrender like dead in the hands of the dresser." 

Babuji says, " Surrender is complete not only when we surrender to God, but also to all of God's creations. "

In every moment of choice, keep applying the qualities of Nonresistance, letting go, moving on, gratitude, forgiveness, trust, living in the NOW, and surrender. Moderation is the means.

Keep repeating until the escape velocity is crossed; at one stage, these things will become our base qualities and very nature.

It's not just about reading, writing, listening, or speaking.

It's not just about knowing, understanding, feeling, or realizing.

It's all about manifesting and living in the state of being.

When a soul awakens to reality, it's as beautiful as the blooming of a flower.

Bloom where you are planted. Our salvation lies in our situations. Take the self-responsibility for self-refinement.

A blooming flower is beautiful; a garden of flowers is all the more beautiful.

We are all in a collective evolution.  Bloom and help others, Bloom.