Loving love

Love cannot be defined in words; it is something to be experienced. I am making a humble attempt to put into words the love I experienced from the hierarchy of my masters.

It has been said that the Sahaj Marg system follows the tortoise method of hatching eggs. Many birds sit on the eggs to help them hatch, whereas a tortoise lays eggs on the shore, goes back to the water, and hatches the eggs with its mental connection. So too, the abhyasi will be present in the mental womb of the Master and taken care of in the spiritual journey. 

Before knowing about any spiritual condition or practice, the first thing which attracted me to this journey was Chariji, the living Master, when I commenced my practice. It was after six years of practice, I experienced the most beautiful day of my life on 9th July 2009, when the physical Master looked into my eyes; it was a look that Penetrated my being, a look that took me into eternity, love, hope, courage what more I could not understand. He gave without conditions; He gave without restrictions. He gave it all in a moment. That which would take an eternity for me to digest. The real journey had commenced. This birth seemed to have a purpose. It was both the beginning of the new journey and the end of me. The 24-year-old was put into a world where only love and peace existed and was drenched in it. My Master seemed to have connected me with the Adi Guru, pujya Lalaji. One day, Lalaji's magnetic heart came and touched my rusty heart, and ever since, He is always with me like a divine father whether I see it or not, feel it or not. 

I was enjoying this love journey with Chariji. Then marriage talks started at home; I was afraid it would be a hurdle to my spiritual journey. How will I continue to attend satsangs, sittings, bandaras, and ashram visits? Will someone restrict me from all this? Will marriage put an end to the things which I enjoy the most? My life was already perfectly complete as it was. I did not want the completeness and joy to be disturbed. What to say, how to say, who will understand. During this situation, one evening, my cousin brother, who is also an abhyasi, took me to my Master's residence. It was as if Chariji was waiting for me. As we went there, someone opened the house doors, only I went in, and the door closed. Master gave a sitting. Only five to six people were there. I was feeling heavy and crying. Toward the end of the sitting, Charijis heart came out, covered me fully, and pulled me in. That was so soothing and magical. Days passed I continued to enjoy the love; sometimes, I used to feel, "Chariji am afraid if we merge, then how can I enjoy this flow of love." 

Then suddenly, I got married; it was Chariji's work. It just happened in three days. I felt my spiritual life was now not having threats or risks as I married a abhyasi. Chariji conducted our wedding and united our hearts, mine and Venkatesh's. The sudden marriage was unplanned in Venkatesh's life. But he accepted me as his wife unconditionally in obedience to Chariji.

I wish life were always like that, drenched in Master's love, but that's not the case; it moves on. There was a brief period of dryness in the journey for one or two years. But Master's love was always there. One day I went to meet Chariji, and I deviated from the track. Again Master had created a situation where I could meet Him. I did not have to wait long before I could be allowed inside the cottage. It was like a red carpet welcome. I went in, Chariji passed through the hall, and I handed over a packet of dates that I had carried from Muscat. Chariji took it and told me, " I prefer a date to dates." He was subtly reminding me of how I was getting deviated. I replied, "I am pregnant, and I have come to meet Him to seek His blessings. " As I said " I am pregnant, "Master immediately said, " That does not matter." People who were around laughed without understanding what Chariji meant; I did not understand it then. But now, when I think of the subtle ways He loved and cared in every dimension, I feel so insignificant and grateful. 

After two years of deviations and dryness, I again started seeing Lalaji around me in visions, dreams, meditation, and non-meditative hours. I was going through a severe testing period on one side and carried by Master's grace on the other side. This period of the spiritual journey was more of higher openings, darshan of higher entities, and spirituality 24 * 7. There was no need to physically go to see the Master or visit the ashram because I felt their presence nonstop where ever I was and whatever I did. All I knew was Chariji; I did not even know such dramatic experiences existed in the spiritual journey. 

On the day of Charijis mahasamadhi, I had an out-of-body experience. On 20th December 2014, I took an individual sitting at around 3.30 pm UAE time. Suddenly I felt like my father, my best friend and beloved passed away. A wall broke, and the next moment I was in Manapakkam ashram's cottage bedroom, standing right next to Chariji, who was lying on His bed. I saw a tube that was beginning and ending in His heart., making a Semi circular " U" form outside. I felt that Chariji would be leaving His physical form soon. Yes, the news of Charijis mahasamadhi was announced late in the evening. I was shocked that He gave me the experience of telling me bye before leaving; what a kindness! The dramatic spiritual experiences continued till the end of December 2018. I was carried away by those experiences. I am not mentioning them here because they are unbelievable unless and until one experiences them for themselves. I want to describe one or two experiences related to Master's love. 

One evening in 2016, me my husband and my elder son were going to the trainer's house to take a sitting. Those were the days when Lalaji was always with me, and I always felt His presence because He was always there whether we felt it or not. He was showering so much love while we were still driving to the trainer's house to take the sitting. The flow continued during meditation; the love was so much I was drenched and enjoying it, and after a certain point, it was difficult for me to digest it. It was overflowing; I started sharing it with others consciously, with my near and dear ones, but still, it was overflowing until I shared it with the entire globe.

What had become of me over these years is how a mother lovingly feeds a child; in return, the child takes a few grains of rice and feeds it into the mother's mouth. Being continuously provided by Masters with divine love, one day in 2017, during meditation, I saw milk pierced from me into the universe.

In mid-2018, I felt God's presence for a few days and couldn't handle that innocence and purity. In ignorance, I thought Master had taken me to the goal until I heard Daaji's remark, "When a beggar is invited to stay with a king, he enjoys all the comforts of the palace, and when he comes back, he comes back to his real condition." I felt like taking a big U-turn in my journey and returned to the state I started in 2003. I just felt that " My further evolution lies in the evolution of my fellow beings. "Yes, we are all in a collective evolution. 

I couldn't immediately act on what came from within me; what I should do all this was clueless. Again for two years, there was a pause in all the experiences. Oh, even the spiritual experiences fade away. Conditions come and go when there is no permanency. What is it that I should look forward to? In July 2021, I visited Charijis samadhi at Manapakkam ashram. Tears rolled down my heart and eyes. Things were challenging in both the spiritual and material aspects of life, but again He changed it magically as if waiting for me to remember He is always there. From the pause, there was again some movement.

So spiritual journey is beyond these experiences. Do not be trapped or carried away by these experiences; move beyond. How should I amalgamate activity and passivity, being and doing? When I compare a heart filled with love to a bucket of water, the holes in the bucket lead to water leakage. In the same way, the flaws in our character drain the spiritual condition. So character formation is beyond experiences; that is the ultimate goal of my spiritual journey. I tried to keep correcting my flaws and go through the same situations and experiences with a better consciousness. I tried to manifest my learnings. Sometimes it was easy to apply what I learned from within, and other times it was still challenging to practice what I learned. Learnings never end.

Coming back to Master's love, I have already told about Chariji and Lalaji, now moving on to Babuji. While Lalaji's love was divine love like that of a father, Babuji's love was divine love like that of a mother. I used to read Babuji's books right from the age of eighteen. I have applied what he has written one or two times, and it has worked out miraculously. So I understood that His words are " Truth Eternal. " I blindly trusted His words but also experienced the Truth behind them. The first time when Chariji looked at me in 2009, I applied Babuji's words. Babuji says, " Whenever we go to the Guru, we should take Him back with us or leave ourselves there ." So when I met Chariji in person, I thought, " Take my soul away," and from then, the real journey started after six years of my practice. Babuji has mentioned Whenever you cannot overcome some weakness, think that they are mine. Sometime in 2015, I permanently overcame a weakness by following this technique.

One day in March 2022, I was so emotionally down and crying like a kid all through the night. I could not move on. The following day, after waking up and simply lying on the bed, I saw Babuji's hands coming and touching my throat and soothing my pain like a loving mother. I was touched by how the mighty Master takes care of such minute things in the life of an abhyasi. 

The current living Master Daaji says, " Anonymity is sacred. "My journey, which Chariji initiated, was continued by Daaji when He took over whether I started accepting Him as my Master. The way He took care of my journey was so anonymous. He kept working behind the scenes while I used to see Lalaji in the forefront. Daaji's love, Sankalpa Shakthi, is so amazing. When His " Dil Se" programs were telecast on YouTube, I saw a heart in place of a TV monitor. His advice is so timely and practical from His personal experiences. Lalaji, Babuji, Chariji, and Daaji are just different names for the same divine love.

I visited Kanha Shanthivanam recently in December 2022. The main thing which came to an understanding is " Devotion is the highest condition and dependency is the highest consciousness. " I don't know what the highest condition or consciousness is, at least the highest that I have experienced.

 Dependency in inaction and non-cooperation is ignorance. Self-responsibility and action are wisdom. But Devotion and dependency, along with self-responsibility and cooperation, is Surrender; the state Babuji calls Total ignorance. 

In dealing with fellow human beings, I have found myself to be able to love without judgments spontaneously, but I also withdraw due to resistance that comes from outside. I understood that the withdrawal of resistance is backed by ego. To go beyond resistance and have the ability to love is to go beyond the ego. Why? Because the joy of love is neither the beloved nor the reciprocation, the joy of love is love itself, such is its unsurpassable beauty. 

Love has more to do with the lover than the beloved. A lover loves to love and hence loves everything and everyone. As long as our love is too specific or individual, the words interested, inclined, attracted, or attached are more apt than love.

This would have been the end of my blog yesterday; for some reason, I did not publish it yesterday. I started blogging in 2009 to praise my Master's glory and tell the world here lies the great Guru; as Shri Adi Shankara says, " A human birth, a craving for divine and being born at the time of Guru who would take you to the divine, the combination of three is very rare indeed." Sometimes when people still don't turn up to My Master, I would feel bad for not being up to the mark to be able to inspire others. Recently I have started understanding that every soul has its path and when the journey begins depends on their readiness and requirement.

Today Daaji gave a small talk after the Sunday Satsang where He remarked, " There is no point in just praising how Masters are helping us, but how we, in turn, help others, that is the key, that makes us divine. That is masterly." He further added that Babuji says, "I don't produce disciples; I produce Masters'."

I asked myself, what is a master? Immediately came the reply from within. The Master is a servant. Serve anonymously. What is Service? Babuji says, " Service is constantly thinking good for others. " So feel good, do good, be good. Go beyond the resistance which comes from outside; it's going beyond your ego.